I Was Here
by AddieGreysPPPlover9119
Summary: AU; One Shot. Grey's Anatomy 9x02. Mark Sloan's death has a deep impact on everyone, but it has an even deeper affect on 7 year old Ella Montgomery-Sloan, Derek Shepherd, Calliope Torres, and most of all Addison Forbes Montgomery. Song/Lyrics By Beyonce, Characters courtesy of Shonda Rhimes including Ella-well 50 percent of her the 50 percent belongs to HeroesEmmaLee rated T


"**I Was Here"**

**a/n: Okay let me just say I started off updating "Finding Our Way Back (Drifting)" but this damn song wouldn't leave me alone! it's a Beyonce song and the lyrics are just…they're so damn perfect for Mark's inevitable death on Grey's that I couldn't not write it! I promise I am NOT doing any more ffs where people die, I swear! I already did one where Derek dies, I've killed Sam(which probably relieved you anti Addisam shippers) I killed Addie's kid in "Finding Our Way Back (Drifting)"…No more killing characters-it's too damn sad and depressing to write! Any who, this is a beautiful song. Its told from 4 character's POV's (Ella, Addison, Derek and Callie). I felt these 4 (well 3 on the show since Ella technically doesn't exist) characters were/are going to be the most affected by Mark's death. So, without further a due, here's "I Was Here". **

**Happy Reading, **

**Xoxo Dee**

* * *

_I wanna leave my footprints on the sands of time_

_Know there was something that, meant something that I left behind _

_When I leave this world, I'll leave no regrets _

_Leave something to remember, so they won't forget _

The sun shone brightly on the mourners at Lakeview Cemetery that day. All of them standing there, watching the cherry wood casket be lowered into the ground. All of their faces stained with tears for so many different reasons. 7 year old Ella Grace Forbes Montgomery-Sloan along with her two sisters Sloane and Sofia had lost their father. Calliope Torres and Derek Shepherd had just lost their best friend. Jackson Avery had lost his mentor. Carolyn Shepherd lost her pseudo son. Julia Canner lost the man she had planned on starting a family with. Lexie Grey lost the one man who would ever truly care for her. Addison Forbes Montgomery lost whom she was later refer to as her "greatest love" as well as her best friend. All of them lost something, but their loss was still the same.

_I was here _

_I lived, I loved _

_I was here _

_I did, I've done everything that I wanted _

_And it was more than I thought it would be _

_I will leave my mark so everyone will know _

_I was here _

For Ella, it was more than just the pain of losing her father, it was like losing a part of her life. Her father was her best friend. He was the "fun parent" letting her stay up late at and eat junk food. He taught her about sports(like the that the Yankees were the "best damn team in the world"). For Ella, it was as if half of her life was taken from her. Going to visit her father in Seattle was her release. She loved LA and being with her mother and Sam and her new baby brother Henry, but when she went to Seattle she could be a regular kid. In Seattle there were no dead grandmothers, no dead best friends, no dead baby brothers, no dead baby cousins. In Seattle no kids lost their parents, people didn't go to jail. There was no sadness in Seattle. There was freedom. With her father gone, where would Ella go to escape the craziness of LA life?

* * *

_I want to say I lived each day, until I died_

_And know that I meant something in, somebody's life _

_The hearts I have touched, will be the proof that I leave _

_That I made a difference, and this world will see_

For Derek Christopher Shepherd, this loss is especially difficult. This was his best friend. Mark was more than his best friend, they were brothers. They had been together for over half of their lives. Derek would later deal with the guilt of not being able to save his brother. It was going to be difficult, this loss. Who would he laugh with? Where would he go when he and Meredith had problems? Who would be there to fool around with at the hospital? Who would be there while he recovered from his hand injury? The Answer? No one. Sure, there would be people around, but, Derek would still feel alone, empty. No one would push him like Mark would when he wanted to quit or give up. From the moment his best friend left this world, Derek Christopher Shepherd was utterly and virtually alone.

_I was here _

_I lived, I loved _

_I was here _

_I did, I've done everything that I wanted _

_And it was more than I thought it would be _

_I will leave my mark so everyone will know _

_I was here _

_I lived, I loved _

_I was here _

_I did, I've done everything that I wanted _

_And it was more than I thought it would be _

_I will leave my mark so everyone will know _

_I was here _

For Calliope Iphigenia Torres, this loss is indescribably hard. Not only was Mark her best friend, he was the father of her child. He was one of the first people who befriended her at the hospital. He helped her discover her sexuality and he didn't judge her for it. Callie and Mark shared a special bond for so many reasons. They were connected in almost every way possible. It was going to be hard for her because of her, their baby girl. Sofia. Sofia's only a year old. She'll have virtually NO memory of her father.

Who will Callie turn to when she and Arizona have problems? Whose shoulder will she lean on? She knows Arizona loves Sofia like she's her own but, there's that small smidgen of doubt about just how dedicated Arizona is to being a full time parent to Sofia. Will she and Arizona's relation or marriage for that matter, stand this powerful loss?

She has to ponder about this because now that Sofia's father is gone, she'll have to be twice of a parent to her daughter. Can Arizona stand it when she spends more time with Sofia instead of her? Mark being there made things so much easier. Callie feels like her balance has shifted and everything is now resting on her shoulders. Mark always said Sofia had 3 parents but now, she thinks Sofia may just have 1 parent.

Callie feels the pressure.

* * *

_I just want them to know_

_That I gave my all, did my best _

_Brought someone some happiness _

_Left this world a little better just because _

_I was here _

Although they all feel the severeness of this loss, no one feels it more than Dr. Addison Forbes Montgomery. Addison, is losing her soul mate. She and Mark were connected: physically because of their daughter as well as their friendship, mentally because Mark could always read her, emotionally because she understood him when others thought he was just an arrogant manwhore. Most importantly, they were connected spiritually because there were always drawn to one another. No matter who they were with, something drew them together in some kind of way, and most times their daughter had nothing to do with it. From the moment Derek introduced them, their souls became one. Addison often says that it was Mark she should have married, not Derek.

Learning of the loss was probably the most unimaginable, unthinkable, cruel, inhumane thing she's ever had to deal with. it's the second worse pain she'd ever feel (aside from losing her son). Although they hadn't been together as a couple in years, Mark was what kept her going. Mark was the perfect match to each breath she took, the perfect rhythm to match her heartbeat. Although she loved Sam very much, if she were honest with herself, he was no where near good enough for her. In fact, that's what Mark told her once.

"He's no good for you Red, you deserve better"

Loving Sam was as remotely close as she would get to being with the one she truly wanted. Jake was nice but, the love and she history she shared with Sam made her think of what she had with Mark. Jake was unfamiliar and she'd have to spend a lifetime trying to build lasting memories with him. Derek was definitely out of the question because while she loved him, they only looked good on the outside and on paper. So, she settled for Sam. He made her smile most of the time. He could pull her out of the dark places, like Mark could. They were in tune with one another. This was why she chose him. If she could chose again, she'd chose Mark, but he had unmistakably chosen Lexie Grey. In fact, she later heard the younger Grey girl telling of how Mark confessed his undying love for her. What angered Addison were Lexie's remarks

"I didn't feel the same way. I loved him but, Mark was too complicated. A child with your best friend's wife? A random teenage daughter showing up out of nowhere pregnant, A baby with your lesbian best friend? That was too much baggage" What she said next shocked the redhead,

"He tried to give me something I didn't want. He tried…he wanted me to be perfect, like Addison. He wanted us to have what they had. What he really wanted was her. He told me I was the love of his life and that we'd always be together but Addison would always be 'the one' "

She doesn't even notice she's crying until Sam walks over, Henry in his arms, and places a hand on her shoulder, startling her

"Oh, hey Sam" she says, quickly wiping her tears

"You miss him, don't you?" He asks

She nods in reply.

"You loved him?"

"Sam, he was my best friend and the father of-"

"That's not what I'm asking Addison"

"Then what are you asking?"

"Was he…Sloan was, he was the one, wasn't he?" Sam asks

"Sam-"

"No. I just, I wanna know Addie. He was the one, you're one true love, wasn't he?"

"If I say yes, will you hate me?" she whispers

"No"

"Yeah, he was" she whispers before quickly leaving the house and going back to the cemetery.

Its dark when she gets there. The wind has picked up since they left, giving her a slight chill. Her black dress clings tighter to her, her 6 inch heels slip into the soft grass. The in the sky a deep dark violet. The sun's just setting. Her arms are wrapped around her middle, her mouth a straight line as she stares at the spot. She stands there looking at his grave, freshly covered with dirt. Her breathing quickens. Her fists clench open and closed. Her heart beats faster. Her eyes sting from holding in tears(she hasn't shed a tear since he died). She feels a rush of emotions wash over her: hurt, pain, anger, fear, sadness, despair, desperation. The tears slowly roll down her cheeks. Her body shakes. Her lip trembles. Soon, she hears herself sobbing. Each breath is sharp, ragged. Her chest burns. Her whole body is shaking. She feels heat rising from her cheeks. She's angry. For the first time, she speaks.

"I hate you" she whispers to the grave

"I hate you…God I hate you Mark! You left me! You left me alone! I have to pick up the pieces of our 7 year old daughter's life! You shattered her! You, broke Ella! Our little girl isn't the same anymore. You changed her. When you died, you…everything's different now. I…Why didn't you tell me you loved me? That I was the one? WHY MARK? I WANT…DAMN YOU! I HATE YOU! HOW COULD YOU LEAVE US? ME, ELLA, CALLIE, SOFIA, DEREK, SLOANE? HOW COULD YOU ABANDON US? FUCK YOU MARK SLOAN" she yells kicking his grave. "FUCK YOU! YOU BASTARD! YOU SON OF A BITCH! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I…HATE…YOU!" She doesn't even realize she's on the ground hitting the dirt and yelling at Mark how much she hates him until she's crying, begging him to come back.

"Don't leave me! Babe, don't go! I can't…I need you!" She doesn't remember being carried away from the grave by Derek. She doesn't remember Callie holding her while she begged Mark to come back. She doesn't remember Sam carrying her to the hotel, or him taking Henry and Ella out for breakfast the next morning. When she wakes up, there's a letter addressed to her, in Mark's handwriting.

_Red, _

_If you're getting this, then, I'm dead, which sucks. I know you probably miss me like hell. Don't worry babe, I miss you too, even if I am dead. I still miss you. Listen, I don't know how we ended things but, I want you to know, I have always loved you Addison. From the minute Derek introduced you as his girlfriend, I was in love with you. I'm sorry about New York and cheating on you. Thank you, for giving me my daughter. She's the best thing that's ever happened to me. I can't stop and I won't stop thanking you for not having the abortion. You'll never know how relieved I was when you told me you didn't do it. Make sure she knows who I am Red. I don't want her to forget. _

_Take care of Torres, she's gonna need you. You're the closest thing she'll get to having me in her life again. She's gonna need your help with Sofia because between you and me, I don't think Robbins is gonna stick around. She was dead set against us having a baby together. She didn't want kids Red. So, look out for my girls, Sloane too. Take her under your wing, nurture her. She needs someone positive like you in her life. I know it was you who convinced her to put the baby up for adoption. Thank You. It was the best decision for her at the time. _

_Look out for Shep for me. He needs to know that he hasn't lost both of his best friends. He's gonna need you Addie. You know how to push him. I know you sorta hate Meredith but, be nice to her, or at least try to. As far as Lexie, I did love her. She was something special to me. I told her once, that while I loved her and she was the one I'd chose, you'd always be number one. You don't have to like her, but respect her Addie. She helped me be a better man in some ways._

_Stay with Sam. Marry him and have lots of babies with him(he's got good genes, so your kid's will be cute). I know I told you he was a prick but, stay with him. He knows you, he gets you. Its familiar for you. No new dance of getting to know someone, which I know you hate. He's…he's no me but, he's pretty damn close. Make sure Bennett teaches my girl about sports. Tell him Ella's a Yankees fan, No Red Socks or I'll turn over in my grave! She's a giants fan. I can deal with her liking the Lakers since the Knicks and Nets are shit. You, be nice to her. Let her stay up late every once in a while. Let her have junk food sometimes. She likes gummy worms, the sour kind. The loves M&Ms but don't give them to her with coke(that's not a good combination-I'm speaking from experience). She likes those sour patch thing too. Take her to the park once a week-she likes that. She goes to the top of the jungle gym to think. She's a bright kid Addie, knows too damn much to be just 7 but, she's a bright kid. Oh, she loves CSI Miami and(I know you're gonna hate me for this but) Family Guy-those shows crack her up. Oh and she like cereal on the weekends the sugary kid(Wow! Your dentist bill is going to be ridiculous! I can see you blaming me now 'damn you Mark Sloan'). _

_As for you, stay beautiful Addison. I know it's gonna be hard and you'll miss me(because I miss you every single day) but don't fall apart because of me. You've got a lot of responsibilities now so, you can't fall down and die because I'm not here anymore. You've gotta step up and take my place Red. They're all counting on you. I'm counting on you. If it's any help, I like to envision us married(you and Derek never happened or…we didn't break up), happy with Ella living in New York. She'd have siblings, a brother, maybe two(because I always wanted a boy), another sister(that's right, I'd keep you knocked up-because making babies would be on my list of favorite things to do. Are you laughing yet? You probably wanna smack me, or you're probably rolling your eyes right now, aren't you?).Anyways, I'm sorry I left you Red. I love you babe, I always have and I always will._

_Forever yours, _

_Mark_

Once she finishes the letter, she holds it close to her chest, tears streaming down her face and whispers,

"I love you too Mark. I'm gonna do everything in this letter, I promise"

_I was here _

_I lived, I loved _

_I was here _

_I did, I've done everything that I wanted _

_And it was more than I thought it would be _

_I wanna leave my mark so everyone will know _

_I was here _

_I lived (I lived), I loved _

_I was here _

_I did (I did), I've done _

_I was here _

_I lived (I lived), I loved (I loved) _

_I was here (oh) _

_I did, I've done  
_

_I was here_

__**_  
_Reviews are love! (: **


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